Poetically disturbed

In a euphoric state of dilerium, which sounds extremely fun or like I’m on some “drug enduced high” is merely the price I’m paying for lack of mental health care. The yin yang of, finding everything comedic and utterly depressing I find comfort in the simple routine of OCD behaviour. Now, if evaluated by psych, oh the field day they would have. For today, I choose not to evalute but to dwel in the black abyss I call memories. It’s true, I dream in stories and music is literally everywhere, but some days the stories don’t fit and the music has no meaning. It all becomes “white noise”. Not the eerie type that haunts the subconscious mind, but the kind of silence that bring forth serenity and peace. Like a warm summers day when there’s but a gentle breeze strong enough to disturb everything in it’s passageway yet, ironically peaceful.

It can all sound very romantic, sure if the only intense relationship you have is with an untreated mental health problem. I am so sick of those fake people out there, hiding behind pride and posessions. The ones who are shaming the idea that it is possble for someone to “have it all” while “falling apart”. It’s ok to drive that 80k car but don’t prentend that behind closed doors you’re not mentally broken. You can’t afford your bills, you hate your 9-5 university graduated degree and love life is in shambles. Pretending creates walls, they keep others in the same situation out. Leaving everyone feeling judged, isolated, anxious and depressed.

On that note, I cannot stress enough how big a deal mental health is. I tend to look at myself as one of the lucky ones” since I’m very much intune with my mind, body and soul-on a good day that is. However, not everyone is as lucky. Go speak to your General Practitioner if you feel yourself slipping away. Mental health is a slippery slope and before you know it, you’re in hole.

Mental Health Awareness 20171004_142931.jpg

🙏✌#throughhopecamestrength ##Ithielbrinkman #empirerise1


This is ME

Some people just can’t handle the heat,
Step out of my kitchen. I’m not cooking for the faint hearted
-Ithiel Brinkman PSX_20170926_183211

Have you ever heard the expression “Stay in your lane”? I don’t just mean, “stick to what you know” “women can’t drive” “better luck next time” “he wasn’t your type” “she’s to good for you anyway bro” “maybe it was God’s plan” “too fat” “too skinny” “to effeminate” “to masculine” “you can’t sing” “you can’t cook” “you call that art” “you’re to sexy” “you’re not sexy enough” “you’re to black” “you’re to asian to be black” “you’ve got a disability, don’t even bother” “you’ll never be good enough”. Right, first of all tell those haters to get back in their damn lanes! They hating on you because they see something in you that they envy, they want what you have. Try and think back, remember what negative words were spoken to you, about you or at you. Now, think of the person or people who spoke those words, now, imagine those words as if they were talking about themselves. They are speaking from a place of pain, a place of hate. Pain is something we experience, hate is something we learn.

Like most of us, we use Google. We search and search for something someone has “labled” us with. We tend to “self diagnose”. Naturally, we search. It is human nature to find the answers we are in search of. Or is that just me? What if you have something “Dr Google” gives you an answer to? It does not define who you are or limit your ability to be greater than the answers on a screen, in a text book or on a CT scan. Defy the odds, science only goes so far and then comes the divine purpose. Use what would be considered “your down falls” to your advantages. Rise about the ashes, soar beyond the clouds.

Ever had a sneeze, just wouldn’t get out. People tell you “look at the light, it help”. So you try, you try and you try some more, but, nothing? Eventually, that sneeze will come out in due time, when it’s well and truly ready to shake things up. Just like a trapped sneeze; those negative lables are humanly imposed limitations holding us back. Ever tried to take a lable of anything, hard right? Picture whatever the lable was given to you, visually peel that lable off. It might start off sticky, in bits and pieces or you might be one of the few that you start peeling and amazingly half of that lable is gone. If not, keep peeling. Eventually in due time at the “right time” which could be any time, will come and the whole lable will have been peeled away. Leaving you with something new. A new space, a clean slate if you will. Something that can now be replaced with a greater, stronger, durable positive “lable”.